Look at me. I am messing up already. I have not written a thing since my last post. I haven't forgotten, but I find it impossible to do any writing at my house. I don't know why but I cannot focus there.  What I was planning to do was go to a cafe on my free days and write there. But when I go to a cafe I feel bad about it unless I buy stuff and I am kinda a cafe snob. I am Very picky about where I want to sit and write. My biggest peramitirs are wifi and comfortable seats In Kalamazoo it is hard to find a place like that which has a menu I can afford at the moment. So I have not been going and I have not been writing. Frankly, I have been going through some things. I have been struggling with finding a job and living on very meager wages. Due to lack of good foods I am anemic .Also, I am finding that the place where I went to school isn't really the place where I want to be anymore. It is all very draining and not productive to writing. Go yeah... That is my excuse and I sticking to it.  I will try to maybe come up with something soon. At the very least, some digital art, which I am kinda getting into.

Car Ride

Genre: Realistic Non- Fiction

“Mama? Why is your car bleeding?” 

“ I told you to  stay in the car, Char.” 

“ I want to help.”

I don't respond. In all honesty I don't know how to respond. The child is in her bathing suit, which was not wearing  when we got into the car at the motel an hour ago. She is wearing one cowboy boot  and one flip flop. Her  hair is in one braid, just like I put it this morning , and the other in a loose high pigtail of her own invention. I approach the five year old , take her under her arms and lift. It is clear that I am not amused but somehow she always seems to be smiling when I do this to her. I put her in the car.

“ Child. The car is not bleeding. Cars do not have blood. You can’t help.  I am not even sure that I can help.  I need you to stay in the car, put your clothes back on, and be patient so I can get us out of here.”  She watches me closely as I talk. her brown eyes looked on my face, concentrating. I smile. She is as beautiful, in all her craziness, as the day i had her. She smiles back.  She nods her head.  “ Good. Stay in the  car.”  I set her in her seat in the car  and close her in and walk back to the front of my old green pontiac sunfire, and looked down as a liquid in the most obnoxious color leaks from the bottom. I don't know what made me think that I could take a roadtrip in this car. I have owned it since i was 16, and it has been around my parents house since the beginning of time, but I wanted Charlotte to see the ocean for her birthday, and to meet her grandma before she died.

I shake my head and look to my phone and think. We were in Maryland...maybe they were one of those  states that considered this sort of thing and emergency. it appears  that it is my only choice so I dial 911. I tell them that i was driving around their crazy highways and my car stopped moving. I give them the mile marker and breath a sigh of relief as they tell me that I am right.  They are sending someone right away.

When I get in the car my child is dressed again, and has her face plastered to the driver’s side  back window and is watching the cars whiz by.

“ Mama! I feel like I am in a spaceship! “  I chuckle and roll my eyes. I lean my head back on the seat and take a deep breath, hoping that whatever is wrong with the car wont be too expensive.  

“ You know...” I say without moving my head. “ I rubbed my butt all over that  window  yesterday...” A smile creeps over my lips.

“ You did not! Ewwww! “

“Why don't you come sit up here with me until the people get here.”

“ What people? Is Martin dead? “”

Martin is what the child has named my car. She said that it looked like a boy and that she liked the name Martin and it stuck. I shake my head.

“ I don't think so. “ I take her hand and kiss it as she climbs and sits next to me in the passenger seat. I run my hands  through the  dark brown pigtail , and she wrinkles her nose.

“ Are we in Washington D.C. yet? “  I looked at the at strange spread of highway there were in , surrounded by large hills and trees.

“Yup. The president lives in that tree over there. “ I say casually, smiling as she tired  of my playing in her hair, and took my hand and hugged it her small chest, my senses meeting with the beating of her heart.  She looks up at me and smiles, showing of that gaps from the tooth she had lost the other morning  in their small apartment trying to run to the bathroom .

“ mama? Are we close?”

I smile and look her, I lean forward and kiss her nose . What a question?  I know I am answering the question in a way she is not meaning to connect it with with, but I tell her anyway.

“ Yes, baby. So close. “

I am Back! ish...probably...

There are only four of you so I am really not too concerned , but I obviously have not been here in quite a while. I have not been writing. I have not been drawing. I have not been moving anything up to medium. I have been graduating from college, looking for work, playing a lot of The Sims 3 and working a job that I hate. This may be in vain, but I am going to make an attempt to come back. If nothing else, for the writing. I am going to try to post some writing here at least once a week. I want to get back into the creative mode and just write, something , anything without worrying about it being excellent and apart of some project. I just want to write.

When I was in fifth grade I told myself that writing was the best thing to love, because no matter what I did with my life I could write. The side of my brain that wants me out of poverty is wishing I had a childhood passion for science or math.  As a whole it can;t be helped. I am a creative person and with all the creative things swimming through my head that I can't do ( dance and music), writing is something that I can do. I will try to make an aggressive attempt to write something frequently. I am starting with a goal of twice a week, but hopefully with a bit of refreshing I can get up to a piece per day. And keeping in tune with the theme of this blog I will be experimenting with different genres and such. Of course if I  paint/ draw or do anything special it will be put up as well. SO that  is that. Hopefully, I am back and just in case three out of the four of you are wondering, Mel-Cat has still not started her blog. Boooooooooo!